


Logically Not

by FinickityinFields123 (lifetheuniverseandeverything42)



Series: Attack of the plot bunny! [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Comforts Morality | Patton Sanders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Morality | Patton Sanders, Lies, Logan Needs A Hug, Mind Palace, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Secrets, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, The Mindscape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 17:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20549876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifetheuniverseandeverything42/pseuds/FinickityinFields123
Summary: Thomas has a down moment and the Sides accidentally clock out - things derail real quick.Unfinished rn.





	Logically Not

**Author's Note:**

> Italics as private thoughts.

Thomas was stuck in a rut. Again.

No biggie really, he could just talk it out with the Sides like he usually did.

"Guys?" he called into the Mindspace, "Hello? Anyone there?"

There was no answer. _Strange,_ Thomas thought, _I wonder what's going on._

So he tried again:

"Guys? Where are you?" He really did need to talk to them.

Then he realised something: he wasn't stressing out. Normally, the lack of response from ANY Sides would be pushing him towards a panic attack by now, but all he felt was a sort of numb detachment.

Something was really wrong. He really needed to talk to the Sides - what was going on?

"GUYS!" he yelled into the mindscape. Some monotone thoughts pointing out how he wasn't even afraid of what might had happened to them. Where was Anxiety?

Then it occurred to him, he wasn't coming up with any ideas on how to reach them, nor problem solving on what might have happened. No Logic nor Princey either then.

So where was Patton? His numb brain thought disheartenedly- _that's it, disheartened! Like no feelings... Or no HEART!_

_No Patton - no feelings, that's why I'm so numb. No Logan - no logic, that's why I can't figure out what's going on. No Roman - no creativity, that's why I can't come up with a way to find them. No Virgil - no anxiety, that's why I'm not even worried when I really SHOULD BE!_

Thomas was spiralling - caught in a mess of nothingness, unable to rouse any sort of fear or emotion within himself, nor drive or imagination. He was so screwed.

Ever swiftly his thoughts darkened, going down roads of increasingly detached desperation until finally they settled on a course of action. That was notably without logic, compassion, imagination or fear. So, in other words: stupid, heartless, dull and unapologetic.

Going off the whispers he'd heard in the darker depths of the internet, he went quickly to his bathroom and picked up his razor lying there. With some difficulty - that refused to frustrate him - he slowly worked out - rather dumbly - how to get apart the casing and extract the razor - if he'd had an ounce of creativity he would have metaphorically referred to it as a pearl or something - staring at it in the harsh light of his bathroom overhead - not locking the door behind him for privacy or ensured secrecy like any anxiety would have forced him to do.

He took his weapon of limited thought and choice and made war upon himself. More specifically his wrist. Without the Sides - he was reduced to a bleeding wreck. Unfeeling, unthinking, unfearing, uninspiring. Dead - or as good as.

Slowly, as he sat on the cold tiled floor; awareness returned to him - something he hadn't been aware that he had lost, funnily enough.

The first Side to return was Virgil, the anxiety in Thomas rose and rose until it almost overflowed. Then the terrified Side appeared.

"Thomas!" he whisper-shouted, "What have you done?"

"I-" Thomas responded dispassionately and unable to conjugate a clear answer.

"Let's get you cleaned up. The others cannot know about this." Virgil ordered swiftly. Mopping up the remaining wellings up or blood on Thomas' botched arm and guiding him to his bedroom, lobbing a clean shirt at him and fetching some bandages.

"How-" Thomas began, falteringly - the amount of anxiety bubbling up inside him making him almost incapable of speech, even to his own Anxiety. "How can they not find out?"

"I see how your normal priorities have not yet reasserted themselves. That's good I guess - means Logan's not back yet." Virgil mumbled to himself, busying his hands with the bandage and Thomas' arm before answering in a low voice: "If you don't tell them, and they have no reason to ask - they just won't know. trust me." Anxiety looked away and stood to leave. Thomas reached out with his non-mangled arm to stop him, Anxiety flinching as his outstretched fingers grasped his jacket's sleeve.

"Anxiety-" Thomas whispered, scared now - of what he still wasn't quite sure. "Virgil?"

"It's nothing Thomas," he shrugged away his hand, fingering the leftover bandage as he stood awkwardly in the doorway. "You should get sorted - try and sleep. It'll make the return easier." Somehow lulled and feeling tired anyway; Thomas eyed his rumpled bed longingly until he finally gave in and curled up under its not-exactly-clean sheets. Virgil watched him nervously (how else) before softly shutting the door behind him as Thomas' breaths evened out into sleep.

As he returned to the Mindspace, he seated himself calmly (for him) into a chair in the central room to await the other sides arrival. Logic was first.

He came back in his room, puzzled, then went down to the common area to find Virgil sat there, looking sort of dazed. He presumed that, much as he was, the gloomy Side was feeling thoroughly dizzy and lightheaded. He sat wordlessly in a nearby chair to think through all the new information he had received upon his reappearance - and primarily what had happened to cause his disappearance in the first instance.

Roman came next - walking in unsteadily and half falling into his armchair in the corner. He eyed the other two as they sat caught in their separate musings, musing himself - although he did not realise it. He breathed deeply and attempted to dispel the persisting dizziness that plagued him.

With Patton they heard him open his door and step once... twice... thrice... down the hallway, then (presumably) turn and walk just as uncertainly back into his own space. They never saw him for the rest of the evening.

One by one, the other Sides retreated themselves to their own rooms - leaving the situation in the common room once their various spinning sensations fizzled out like sparklers from bonfire night (yes, creativity was definitely back).

Meanwhile in Patton's room...

"Thanks Deceit."

"It was nothing." Came the untruthful reply, "Glad I could help." The slippery side eyed his _accomplice_ curious as to why he was that and not a victim. Of all the sides to willingly volunteer for, no _instigate_, such a lie with him - Patton would have been his last guess.

"Stop it Deceit." Patton ordered in a strange monotone voice. "You can go now."

Deciding there were too many other lies in place at that moment to ignore entirely, he agreed: _I must find out what he's hiding, why's he lying - and not telling me. Why can't I feel it, like I can feel Virgil's right now.  
_

Distracted by the whispering pull of a good lie in action, Deceit left. And Patton sighed heavily - though not out of relief, or regret, or disappointment, or anger, or sorrow, or fear, just... An exhalation of air.

He turned from the closed door and curled up into a ball on his bed, he stared at a wall as blank as he was. His minimal breathing the only sign of life, he barely blinked – no thoughts, no feelings, just… Nothing.

He didn’t sleep again that night.

* * *

The next day dawned bright and sunny - typical for Florida, nothing much to shout about.

Logic was up first, as usual; his constant ranting about routine and circadian rhythm backed up by his own actions and choices - otherwise his arguments were completely unfounded, and he couldn't have that, could he?

As he entered the common room (to organise a healthy balanced breakfast) he noticed a heavy, uncertain atmosphere permeating from Thomas, one that suggested secrets of an uncomfortable nature. Deceit, Logan thought (almost angrily), What is that not-slimy-slimy Side up to?

As he pondered this, Virgil made his entrance into the kitchen area.

"Virgil," Logan greeted him; his nearest equal Side, the pair generally got on - better than with the other two. "Sleep well."

"You mean beyond our strange, unexpected, unexplained nap yesterday?" Virge responded sardonically, at Logan's curt nod he continued sombrely "No, not really."

"Ah," Logic replied, searching for the words "Me neither." he admitted softly. Virgil looked up surprised and eyed him as if checking he wasn't Deceit in disguise. Of all the Sides, Virgil was the best at spotting the toad and - clearly recognising Logan for himself, just scared and confused at the previous day's events - he grabbed some bread to make some toast for his breakfast.

"Have you slept at all?" Logan questioned, his version of caring for his worrisome friend.

"Not really," Anxiety answered, "I had a visitor."

"Oh?" Logan began to pour his muesli into a bowl.

"Yeah, Deceit popped in not long after you and Roman went to bed. It took me ages to get him to shut up." Virgil told him with an angry bite to his words.

“Deceit?” Logan exclaimed, “I thought he’d been skulking around recently. What do you think he was up to?”

Anxiety shuffled nervously, then turned to fetch some butter for his toast, noticeably avoiding Logic’s puzzled gaze. “Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on?”

Virgil shifted again then squared his shoulders and pivoted to face the logical Side. “I don’t know what he’s up to.”

“I never said you did, Virge. I was just asking if you had any suspicions. You know him best after all.”

“Yes I do, and?”

“And what V?”

“What are you implying? I know him best… And?”

“Nothing Virgil.” Logan sighed, returning his attention to replace the milk into the fridge. “I was not implying anything, I’m just worried about Thomas and all of us and whatever the heck happened yesterday.” He explained slowly, his volume increasing as he continued.

“Woah,” Roman commented from his position in the doorway. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing Roman.” Virgil told him, moving with his completed toast to sit at the table at the centre of the room. Roman glanced from him to Logan, who stood resolutely not looking at either of them, and back to Virgil and his neglected toast.

“Okay.” He replied, tiredly. He felt uncomfortable here, like there was something heavy weighing him down. He looked up, scanning the room – mentally scanning Thomas for issues. “Sorry, but who knows what’s cracking off with Thomas.”

Logan and Virgil exchanged looks. “You seen Deceit recently?” Logan asked the fanciful Side.

“Deceit? Roman responded startled, “No, not really. Only-“ he trailed off.

“Roman?” Virgil prompted, “Only… What?”

“I saw him leaving Patton’s room late last night. He came down here and I lost sight of him.”

“He was bugging me.” Virgil told him, “But what was he doing in Patton’s room.”

“Talking to Patton?” Logan suggested, logically.

“Yeah but why?” Roman added, “Why was he speaking to you Virgil?”

The anxious side looked down and didn’t answer.

“Virgil?” Logan repeated, “You never said why you were chatting.”

“Well,” Virgil began, “It doesn’t matter – just taunting me and stuff.” He shrugged, hoping bringing in emotional issues would make Logic back off. It worked…

“Oh, um. Sorry?” Logan stuttered. Roman however looked at him critically before obligingly moving on:

“But we all agree that something is wrong. Right?” Logan frowned at the contradicting wording but nodded determinedly. Virgil distractedly joined in.

It was at that moment that Thomas woke up.

All the Sides felt it, though only one did not react. Virgil was spared from further questioning as both Logan and Roman turned their attention to whose plan to follow – regimented healthy breakfast vs fancy and delicious. It was a daily argument, one that not even dire circumstances nor peculiar events could keep them from.

Virgil on the other hand, quietly left the common room – not heading to his room as the other Sides vaguely assumed, but to Patton’s.

From his non-appearance both the previous night and this morning – he was usually down before Roman for certain, and often (whenever he actually slept) before himself.

That worrying detail combined with Deceit’s comments from their late night – a strange ratio of cruelly pointed and actually concerned, if not with Virgil but with Thomas.

They had argued in whispers into the wee small hours over Thomas’ actions and the lies to cover them, only in this Virgil was happy using his former-dark-Side connections.

Finally concluding they could only see how it plays out – and how much the other Sides suspect – before deciding on a course of action, Virgil had left the dark Side (to retreat back to the ‘shadow wing’ of the mind palace) and headed back to his own room at nearly five in the morning.

As he passed the other Sides’ rooms - his being the ‘newest’ was the furthest from the common room – he quietly _sensed_ each of his friends’ presence.

Logan, Roman, Patton. Patton?

He hadn’t been able to feel the emotive Side’s presence in his room – at five am. At the time, he’d tiredly assumed he was in the loo, but now… \

_He’s at the heart of this mess,_ Virgil thought confidently (for him), _I’m sure of it._

As he approached the still solidly shut door of Patton’s room he paused, needing good reason to enter another Side’s room – especially Patton’s which had such a strong effect on him. As he waited, his anxious brain registered the snuffling sounds coming from the other side of the door.

_Reason enough for me. _

He pulled sharply on the door handle and barged it open – his technique (although brusque) allowed no time for Patton to block his path into his domain. If he was hiding something as Virgil more-than-suspected, then that was key.


End file.
